They always said that you knew best But this little bird’s fallen out of that nest now I’ve got a feeling that it might have been blessed So I’ve just got to put these wings to test
somedays your day is complete shit but then you talk to some random person who can make sense of it all. How can a person looking from the outside who knows nothing about you see it so clearly. So thank you for helping me get a grip and realize it’s all ok :) I’ll get through the rough parts but i’m on the right path
In some ways I think I really needed today, I’ve been in such a funk and unable to break it. But I don’t understand when everything is going right how I could be ungrateful? Someone explained it tonight as when your completely invested in hoping something works out, you kind of have to let the rest of your life suffer.
I get it. What’s so hard about this all? But as a result I’m doubting London and even studying abroad in general. I act so excited when I talk about it’s like watching a movie. I can see everything that’s happening but I can’t do anything about it. Im scared, really scared that I won’t fit in or I’ll hate it and everyday I’ll just want to be home.
If only I could find separation between the pieces of my life maybe then I could make at least something work. It would be a start…
Why do I make awful life decisions? I think I try to make my life as difficult as humanly possible like today I feel like a piece of shit all day, the guy I’ve been crushing on turns out just to be amazingly nice not into me as I had hoped. Bummer right? Well I choose to drown my sorrows in mcdonalds and know I feel like a fat lard. Somedays I wish I were bulimic or anorexic bc at least then you get to skip the gym.
I woke up this morning and tried to fake happiness. Picked an upbeat song ate salad for breakfast watched my calories all day laid out at the pool but nothing seemed right.
I woke up feeling worthless like everything I do doesn’t matter.
I wonder if other people feel like I do. Do they worry that they won’t find someone to love? Or that they just never will be the pretty one of the group? Or what about being forgotten? What if I can’t leave anything on this earth to be proud of? What happens if I never find that one person I want to spend every moment with or even worse what if I already did and messed it up?
Lately I just feel ugly and like every step I take is in the wrong direction. I’m worried my education is pointless and my internship won’t help me to advance. It’s just so much worry for no reason but tonight I can’t help it. Little things like people not knowing how to drive put me over the edge.
But truth is it will all get fixed i know that but it doesn’t help all i want to do is cry. Maybe I should let it go let everything go away but it’s hard to let go of everyhting that you’ve hoped and planned for especially after all this time.
Tonight the little things are the big things.