And so it goes.

Somedays

If I had known today would go this way I wouldn’t have got up. I can’t tell if I’m actually falling apart of I’ve thought so much about it all I’ve convinced my self things are worse then they are.

It’s that strange moment when everything in your life feels broken and empty and wrong but nothing brought it on. Nothing set this off. So why am I having these horrible feelings.

People keep trying to talk to me but they don’t understand im so utterly and completely alone. No one knows what I’m going through so they can’t offer me advice or tell me which path is the right one.

It’s so confusing. When did the world get so big and me so small?

• me during shower time: What is my mission here on earth? What would have happened if Hitler got killed before he started the war? What if is there's a bigger force controlling us right now?
• me almost falling asleep: I think I've solved the mystery of Atlantis and the cure for cancer and starving in Africa and the problems for all bad things in the universe
• me during the day: how do I spell house?

That first moment where you wake up in the morning and look at the clock, there is such peace and serenity nothing else goes through your mind. But as quickly as that feeling comes it goes. The light washes in through the window and it’s time for everything you forget when you fell asleep to reappear. 

That moment where you can’t fall asleep because of what your waiting for in tomorrow… He makes me so happy, I’m the luckiest girl

How did I get this lucky?

After skyping and watching a movie like my typical self I pouted. Looking at him across the screen it hits me how hard long distance relationships are, i feel the tears coming I miss him and there’s nothing I can do about it and as simple as it can be he just goes “Why are you mad at me”

Only he can read me like a book and knows how I feel before I do but in the end it doesn’t matter because I was being stupid. I worry so much about whether he likes me enough I can’t concentrate on how good he is to me. I’m constantly worried that something will go wrong so I have a hard time enjoyed what’s here today.

144 days of knowing you and 24 days till I get to see you again.

And that’s how it goes

What can I say, I’m perfectly and utterly happy when you’re next to me or talking to me. When two days of not talking seem like an eternity, that’s when you know you’ve fallen.

No one can reach me. I’m in my own world where I’m happy now if only I knew he was in the same place. Because that would be the only thing that could make this feeling better. 

And that’s how it goes

So I think I figured it out, I have an obsession with new. New clothes, new boys, new babies, new anything because the thing about new is there’s nothing tainted about it. 

As soon as newness wears off I’m bored. Then I move on and that’s it. I don’t want a future, I just want today.